Meet Quiltafish!
O-Fish-ial Press Release:
New Quilted Fish species Quiltious fishious, which has been long postulated by rural Albertans in Central Alberta, Canada, has been confirmed.
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The Aquatic Biosphere Project has confirmed the first known record of a terrestrial quilted bipedal fish to be known as the new species Quiltious fishious. This organism has long been known to rural Albertans as the “Quiltafish”, and spends its time skipping through crop fields and playing hide and seek with cows.
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This is the first confirmed record of a terrestrial bipedal fish and is a ground-breaking discovery for Alberta. “It had long been rumored that there was a large terrestrial fish galivanting through Central Alberta,'' says Paula Polman Director of the Aquatic Biosphere Project, “When I first saw it, it took my breath away. You need to see it to believe it.”
“This is the first discovery of it’s kind not only for Alberta, but for the entire world,” says Dr. Ross Shaw Director of Research at the Aquatic Biosphere Project. The Quiltafish shares many similar traits to other aquatic species such as shimmering coulourful scales similar to Betta fish (Betta splendens), it is the size of a full grown Goliath Grouper (Epinephelus itajara) and has the playfulness of a River Otter (Lontra canadensis).
The Quiltafish is the only known fish that lives exclusively out of water and walks on two legs. “The evolution of fins becoming legs in the Quiltafish was likely necessary to allow it to exist exclusively on land, says Dr. Ross Shaw, “ the quilted pattern on its face may be a gill evolution that helps to deal with the lack of moisture in the Albertan air.”
The Tail of Quilty
Aquatic Biosphere Director Paula Polman was driving back to her house when she saw something strange off the side of the road. She had caught a glimpse of something large with what looked like fins and a big goofy smile. It looked out of place…. like a fish out of water.
Paula quickly pulled off to the side of the road. Following some large wet fin prints into the farmers field she got her first glimpse. It was about six feet tall and covered in beautiful green shimmering scales. It’s head had a distinct quilted quality to it with large goofy eyes and the most lovable smile. She named it: the Quiltafish!
The Quiltafish was very cold and hungry and Paula would never leave any animal in need, so she brought it home! The Quiltafish has been living with Paula ever since. It has even learned how to speak English, although it only speaks using puns…
You might run into the Quiltafish at Aquatic Biosphere Project events and be sure to say hi. It loves making new friends!